Friends with Dignity
Men of Friends with Dignity
Domestic and family violence is a gendered issue - and unfortunately, this doesn't come as a surprise to most of us.
Nearly four in five perpetrators of domestic and family violence are male, and women are almost three times more likely than men to experience partner violence. In Queensland alone, 192,287 domestic and family violence occurrences were recorded by police in 2023-24. That’s roughly 526 incidents per day and with this it’s estimated that 80% of cases still go unreported.
With statistics like these as well as experience living in a world shaped by toxic masculinity and gendered domestic roles it’s easy, and often justified, to feel like most men are kind of just… scary. As a survivor of family violence myself, I understand where these instincts of distrust come from.
My psychologist once explained the mind-body connection to me: even when your mind knows a man is safe, your nervous system might still respond as if you’re in danger – reacting to past trauma rather than the present moment. If you’ve had a negative experience with a man, it’s easy to start generalising that fear, seeing all men through the same lens. And frankly, the statistics don’t bring much to ease that feeling.
One of the ways we begin to heal this disconnect is by encountering men who are genuinely safe; men who show up, who listen, and who stand beside us with empathy. These men do exist, and many of them volunteer here at Friends with Dignity.
When men choose to engage with a gendered issue like domestic and family violence, they challenge harmful aspects of masculinity and set an example for others. In doing so, they create a ripple effect; one that moves us all toward a more respectful, safer society.
One of those men is Shane Kelley, a Brisbane-based Freemason who, along with his lodge, has committed to supporting Friends with Dignity through hands-on help and a $30,000 fundraising pledge over two years. I had the pleasure of speaking with Shane and learned that his involvement began with a simple act of generosity;
“We had some toys that had come into our possession and were looking for somewhere to donate them,” Shane recalls. “Somebody on Facebook mentioned Friends with Dignity, so I went down there and thought, wow, these guys are pretty impressive. What they do is pretty cool so we need to get involved a little bit more.”
From there, Shane and his fellow Freemasons began volunteering at Sanctuary setups and clothing drives. Though the Freemasons are a male-only organisation, Shane says they were welcomed with open arms.
“We were probably a little unsure that we would be welcomed in the space. I mean, we’re as male-dominated as it gets,” he admits. “But everyone was just fantastic. It was a learning curve for us, but a really meaningful one.”
Male volunteers like Shane play a valuable role in Friends with Dignity’s operations. Their practical support, whether it’s lifting heavy boxes, assembling furniture, or pitching in wherever needed, makes a tangible difference. The example they set for other men, I would argue, making an even greater one.
As Shane says; “Sometimes as a male, you feel like people think you’re the enemy. But this experience has reminded me, we’re not all bad. We can contribute.”
Want to get involved?
We’re always looking for committed, compassionate volunteers – of any gender – who want to make a difference. If you’re a man looking for a way to help, this is your invitation. Your support and presence can make a difference.
Written by:
Giulia Scenna – Friends with Dignity volunteer, former journalist, and current Intake Officer at Women’s Legal Service Victoria.